September 5, 2014

BABY BOY NAMES I'M ENTIRELY OBSESSED WITH

flashback with a teeny tiny river

Did you have trouble choosing your kid's names?

We had a helluva time with our second dude. August was one of the front runners from the beginning but it didn't feel right until we had gone through and sorta, mostly, eliminated all the other options. And while I think it's a great name and am happy we chose it, I still have days when I wonder if it's the right name for him.

Will he like it later? Will he use his full name or a nickname? Augie? Gus?

As he grows older and we all get to know each other better, his name will undoubtedly become his. It will feel right and we'll easily fall into giving and calling him nicknames but in the meantime, can I just obsess over other names that I would have liked to try out?

Awesome.

1. Theo. I am 100 percent in love with this name right now. It was actually our second place name - as in, we were at the hospital still discussing the possibility of writing down Theodore on his birth certificate. I love Theo or even Teddy as a nickname and Theodore is just so cute. Hank didn't want anyone calling him Teddy so it lost the battle. But oh, Teddy. It's the cutest, in my opinion. Chipmunk, president, whatever, I still love it and if a big bad pregnancy accident ever happened and another boy appeared, it'd be on my list for sure. Brace yourself, Hanklin.

2. Phoenix. Ok, so for obvious reasons, I couldn't name my second kid Phoenix. And if you're really young or really old, I'll explain. River Phoenix was a famous actor. I am already asked quite often if I loved him so much that I named my first son after him. The answer is no. I only remember him from Stand by Me and was way too young to think he was hot but looking back now, yes, he was super hot. Even in that movie as a kid. HA! So yeah, no. I wasn't going to go all actor obsessive fan copycat and use his full name on two kids. But it's a rad name and will maybe get an imaginary pet and name it Phoenix...maybe I'll even call it Phee for short.

3. Lennon. For a girl or boy, I would have used this. I asked Hank multiple times if he was sure he didn't like it. I'd always slip it into my long lists of name ideas. He never once considered it. Wah. Lennon, Lenny, Len, Nonnie. So many options!!!

- time out! i'm watching SATC and i just have to say, i HATE the petrovsky relationship. it kills me to my core and i can't enjoy most of these episodes. ugh. ok, that's all. time in! -

4. Holden. Always and forever. Holden is my boy, my good ol' boy and I have wanted to name my child after him since I can remember. Holden Henry too, right?! Except, I dunno. It felt a little too something. Snobby? Up tight? And what would his nickname be? Hold. No. So, anyway, my teenage self died a little when I didn't pick this name. Sad face.

5. Dylan, Jude, Hendrix. Ah, the music names. Still, I want all of them!! Dilly bar. Juju. Henny Penny Poo. I love you boys so, so much.

6. Beau. This name is my jam bam. This one was slipped into discussion for the entire 9 months of pregnancy. Unfortunately, there is a strong association with some kid Hank grew up with and I guess he wasn't the coolest? No clue but dangit all to hell. Beau, I'll miss you. You're Beau tiful.

I'm not going to touch on girl names that I'll never get to use but just know there are about 400 of them.

*edit: in other news, proofreading this post is making me want another child immediately. quick, somebody come take my uterus before i lose my mind! 

xo

August 20, 2014

A BIRTH STORY - SECOND C-SECTION

on friday, at 530am, my alarm went off and i slowly moved to hit snooze, though i had already started stirring 10 minutes before. i laid back down on the bed, glanced over at my sleeping husband and toddler, and then opened up my phone and started scrolling through instagram and facebook. i do this every morning because i'm an addict. i quickly see that not much has been posted between the last time i checked around 1am. i close my eyes again and start going over the list of items i'll need for the next few days.

my bag has been packed since wednesday, though not entirely. i've slowly been adding items i think i'll want while we're in the hospital for the weekend. my robe, the same one i wore during my last hospital stay. my floral hospital gown, the one i got at christmas for this very event. nursing bras, tank tops, a tiny newborn outfit, a tiny newborn hat.

in a few hours from now, we'll be a family of four. we've been marking each day this week as our last day as us - our last weekend as three, our last monday, tuesday, and so on. and this morning is our last morning. the last before we know what our new guy looks like, the last before all of our attention is given only to river. i cry a little and reach over to pull him closer to me before i slip away to go take a shower.

family of 3 - just 14 days before birth day. 

at 630, my mom arrives. riv is up by now because he's a light sleeper and we've been moving all around the room, getting the last of our things ready. he runs to the door saying, "hi gigi! how ya doin' gigi?" they play together while we load the bags and bucket seat into the car.

my phone goes off with a few texts from some girlfriends of mine. well wishes. i start to cry now. the reality of what's happening and their kindness and of course, the goodbye i've been anxious about for days. all of it is overwhelming.

i reach down to pick up river and give him a hug and a kiss. i say that we'll see him later that day and that i love him so, so much. i smile a big smile to distract him from my tears. he says, "see ya soon, mama." we get in the car and i'm still crying as we drive down our street.

we arrive at the hospital at 7am. we check in and sit in the waiting room for a bit while. we read an old children's book about a little native american boy who learns to hunt for animals. we both comment on how violent it seems for a children's book, and that we're probably raising a bunch of softies these days so what do we know.

our lovely nurse arrives and takes us back to our room. i'm given the standard hospital gown and an IV. we meet another nurse and the anesthesiologist and then my doctor comes in to say hello before we see her again in the OR. it's a fair amount of waiting after that, 2 hours or so. we talk and laugh and marvel at how calm and quiet it all is. we take some photos, post an update to social media, and continue to wait.



when it's finally time, we all walk together toward the operating room. brian is given his scrubs and is told to wait in the recovery area while i'm taken in. i kiss him and head off with the OR nurse.

the room is freezing. it's super bright and white and huge. i jump up on the bed, sit down and hunch over so that they can give me my spinal. it takes a few tries before my legs go numb and i'm quickly maneuvered onto the bed flat. they put a blue sheet up in front of me and start talking a lot of hospital talk, operating talk, c-section talk. i'm warm now because i'm completely numb and because they've given me a blanket for my chest - at least i think they did. i close my eyes and take deep breaths. i want to stay calm and happy.

the anesthesiologist asks me if i feel anything. i say no and he replies, "great, because they've already started."

brian is whisked in and comes to sit right by my side. we kiss. he seems excited, nervous, relieved. i'm glad he's there but i'm still in my own world, taking deep breaths and focusing on the oxygen i'm getting. it's like a lifeline to me.

everything goes pretty quickly and before i know it, i hear those first baby cries. i'm so happy to hear them. they get him cleaned and wrapped up and bring him over to us. i kiss him, a nurse takes a photo of the three of us and then brian heads out with baby and nurses to the nursery while they close me back up.



this part took foreverrrrr. i'm pretty sure i fell asleep a few times. i was so relaxed and tired and emotional. plus, it's pretty boring. i would have liked an ipod or book-on-tape for entertainment. not that sleep isn't valuable, though, right?

when they finally finish, i am wheeled into recovery. brian is there, so happy to see me. he's seriously the cutest ever. the baby is still in the nursery because his blood sugar was low. they tell me it's pretty common with larger babies to which i immediately reply, "wait, how big was he??" 9.3 lb. i still, today, cannot believe i had a nine pound child in my belly. no wonder i got stretch marks this time! yes, i did. and yes, i'm still recovering from that shock too. it's the saddest.

anyway. while baby was working on his sugar levels, i threw up a few times, slept for a minute or two, and got a dose of norco. i was feeling a-ok when they brought him in finally. i just held him and cried happy tears.




hank (brian) and i said over and over to each other how easy this birth was, how calm and relaxed and nice it was. obviously, surgery is not the ideal. it's not exciting to know you're being sliced open and willingly! but even with that reality, it was such a great experience for us. it was a hard decision to make - especially these days, when natural birth is so en vogue - but i am so happy i made it.

august rhodes henry
born july 18, 2014
10:20am



we love you to pieces, baby boy.
welcome to the family.

xo

July 22, 2014

the boobs and the babe

say you have a second baby and you think that since you just stopped nursing your first babe 4 months ago, that your boobies will be ready and happy to take on a new client. but then, instead of a celebratory receiving, your boobs are sad and angry and screaming and cracking and bleeding and crying. 

then, you'll be sad. 

maybe it's because your boobs quickly forgot how to do the dew. perhaps it's because new baby is a super large and strong lad who drinks with a fury that your boobies had not known before. even still, maybe it's just a part of the process that you completely forgot about, that you knew would be difficult but not ever this difficult. 

what do you do? 

you probably ask your husband at 3am to go make a bottle of formula because you. just. can't. you probably cry a lot and curl your toes and tap your feet and tighten all the muscles in your body. you hold your breath. you squeeze the shit out of your boobs to try and distract yourself from the piercing pain of the milk monster baby. you try your best to stuff the entire breast in his mouth because that's what you should do but somehow, it's never enough. 

you will pump more. you will embrace the pump more than you ever did the first time. 

but. 

you will also hope that this is just one stop on the nursing train because things will get better as they almost always do. you imagine that soon enough, your little lady lumps will toughen up and show that baby they're up for the job. 

because you are one strong mama. you've done this before and you'll do it again. 


that's what you'll do.
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